Despite the fact that I am perpetually maturing, growing, developing, learning (blah blah blah) as time moves forward, it seems as though my coping mechanisms in times of stress remain the same. After spending nearly a month on the east coast, I completely forgot about alone time, life outside of the pseudo development world, or what it felt like to read for the sake of reading. Do I even have hobbies?
I have set so many goals for myself (writing in a blog is one of them) yet being able to actually achieve them is difficult. The entire reason for me deciding to stay in Monterey this summer was to have the time to nurture my being and slow down. WTF was I thinking? Slow down? I hate slowing down.
Even though I have only spent two full days alone (fine, not completely alone) I feel as though I have reverted to the 10 year old who loved throwing chewed gum balls at cars as they passed my house, or the 18 year old me who purposely put too much soap in the dishwasher that always resulted in a foam party on the kitchen floor, or of course 19 year old me making a Facebook for my broken ankle (Minerva D'Ankel!). Say what? Things haven't changed. I bought myself a bear (who is larger than life) and I have found myself cuddling with him, dressing him up, and most importantly distracting me as I attempt to write an incredibly overdue Russian paper. (And its not just any Russian paper! It's all about abortion in the former USSR! Makes you want to party!)
Anyway, I'm having this really intense internal battle. I'm trying desperately to nourish my soul and make time for things that I enjoy, yet I find myself distracting myself so much that I can't actually get to the things I enjoy.
I'm actually going to write in this blog now. You know, about funny things, serious things, and most importantly -- things that matter and things that don't. Psh. Everything matters. I just need to have faith, truly believe that in the end, everything will be as it should be and of course, invest in family.
I have set so many goals for myself (writing in a blog is one of them) yet being able to actually achieve them is difficult. The entire reason for me deciding to stay in Monterey this summer was to have the time to nurture my being and slow down. WTF was I thinking? Slow down? I hate slowing down.
Even though I have only spent two full days alone (fine, not completely alone) I feel as though I have reverted to the 10 year old who loved throwing chewed gum balls at cars as they passed my house, or the 18 year old me who purposely put too much soap in the dishwasher that always resulted in a foam party on the kitchen floor, or of course 19 year old me making a Facebook for my broken ankle (Minerva D'Ankel!). Say what? Things haven't changed. I bought myself a bear (who is larger than life) and I have found myself cuddling with him, dressing him up, and most importantly distracting me as I attempt to write an incredibly overdue Russian paper. (And its not just any Russian paper! It's all about abortion in the former USSR! Makes you want to party!)
Anyway, I'm having this really intense internal battle. I'm trying desperately to nourish my soul and make time for things that I enjoy, yet I find myself distracting myself so much that I can't actually get to the things I enjoy.
I'm actually going to write in this blog now. You know, about funny things, serious things, and most importantly -- things that matter and things that don't. Psh. Everything matters. I just need to have faith, truly believe that in the end, everything will be as it should be and of course, invest in family.
